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Episode 31 The Midlife Crisis Continues – How To Be Resilient When Laid Off At 50
Episode 31 Midlife Crisis Continues How To Be Resilient When Laid Off At 50

Episode 31 The Midlife Crisis Continues – How To Be Resilient When Laid Off At 50

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In this podcast episode, we continue with another actual real life example of building resilience when I got laid off recently.

Links to resources/articles referenced in the episode:

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TRANSCRIPT:

Hello! Welcome to the Sally in the Zen podcast. I’m your host, Sally. I’m a Zen Buddhist caregiver taking care of my elderly folks, and always in pursuits to find Zen moments in everyday living. If you’re new to the podcast, welcome. If you’re not new, and returning, welcome back, my friend.

Hope you all are staying safe, staying healthy, staying sane. As I’m taping today’s episode, it’s Sunday, October 11th, and quite a bit has happened from the last episode to now. Just in the last two weeks alone feels like a whole entire lifetime.

So if we put a timeline on the events that unfolded beginning September 16, when I have published Episode 29, about turning a half century old…on that episode, I had half jokingly suggested to the Universe that maybe it was time for me to have a midlife crisis. Because I reached that milestone of 50 years old. Let me just say very clearly that the Universe always, always listens. Which brings us to today’s episode, which is a continuation of that midlife crisis of building resilience through difficult times – like being laid off – as I’ve indicated on the episode title. 

If you’re interested, let’s get started.

So let’s take this one step at a time, shall we? I went ahead and Googled what exactly are the symptoms of a midlife crisis. Because I really don’t know how I should be feeling about that so I went and googled to find out how I should be feeling about that, right?

So the first thing that popped up in my Google search was Neurospa TMS Therapy Centers. And as always I’ll include in the show notes these resources that I reference in today’s episode.  

These are the symptoms, some of the symptoms, of a midlife crisis that is common for both men and women. 

And it’s feeling unfulfilled in life – I don’t think that’s me because I feel actually okay about life.

Intense feelings of nostalgia ,chronic reminiscence about the past – nope! I’m always looking forward, so let’s X that one out.

Feelings of boredom, emptiness and meaninglessness – nope! I actually have plenty of meaning in my life. Scratch that one out.

Impulsive and often rash actions – nope! I practice the pause so no rash action there.

Dramatic changes in behavior and appearance. Let me think about that.  Hm. Hm. Hm. Possibly. Since becoming 50, I have been chewing really hard on going silver. I still have black hair, my natural color, black hair. I stopped dying my hair up years and years ago when it was actually making my hair fall out, but only now after many years of leaving it au naturale. But since turning 50 in September, I’ve been chewing pretty heavily on the idea of embracing my silver. 

And you know what, folks? I’m embracing my silver. Not completely the whole entire head but I’m going to do a partial dye. I actually have an appointment with the hair stylist tomorrow and we’re going to talk about that but I feel it. You know, because at this point, go big or go home, right? 

Right. 

So. Is that a sign of a midlife crisis? Not quite sure but it feels good. Okay. 

So now with that out of the way, so what’s on our plate? 

So we have Pop’s dentures. That’s going to be an episode or two down the line because it’s still happening but we did get the top set of his teeth pulled out last Friday. And it’s been pretty interesting. Though as soon as he’s completely toothless in the head, I’ll make an episode.

So aside from his dentures, I’m going silver, and, oh yeah, I got laid off. There you go.

So all of that being said, which is basically going around the block before coming to the point for today’s episode, let me take a big breath here and just slow down, because if you couldn’t tell my energy level was a little jacked up right there, so let me just slow it down and just calm myself down as I lay out the day it happened.

It was Monday morning 09:00. I was online working from home, talking with my manager on Zoom and I see that he’s flushed. His face is a little pink, a little peaked and I couldn’t really tell if he was sweating but it looked like he had a little shine to him. But he cut to the chase and told me that I was laid off.  So I was the weakest link in the team that during the annual layoffs, I qualified for. 

So I would say when he was talking with me about this, it hadn’t sunk in at that time. And I opted, with his consent, because he had already taken away my plate load of work, I essentially didn’t need to be online to do any other work even though I was technically on standby in case they needed me to help them out with something. But for all intents of purposes I was laid off and I should devote all of my time now up until November 11th, my last day at work, I should devote the next 45 days walking for another job.

So as soon as I hung up the phone with him, I logged off my computer and I sat there for a little bit before I went over to Zen Master and Zen Mum and broke the news to them. And they took the news pretty hard and I took it harder about two-three days later. So what can I say? I have a delayed reaction to these kinds of things. When Pop had his stroke in 2016 and I took it pretty hard finally in 2018, so what can…I’m par for the course for these kind of things.

See, as a ZM Buddhist and as a caregiver, and as a student…a lifelong student of spiritual guidance, Universal guidance, I know at a higher level all of this is meant to be. All of this is to make me grow, become tougher, stronger for what we are destined to become; that I understand what the Universe is actually doing for me, to me. Testing me at the end of the day of how resilient and need to become in order to move forward.

At a very high level and at a very spiritual level, that’s what change – at its heart – is meant to do to a person.  Make them tougher, make them stronger. Be like that rock that under intense pressure becomes a diamond at the end of the day, at the end of the process, right?

At a high level that’s what it all means but at the same time the heart of building resilience to muster through these kind of awfulness is to actually go through the darkness. To go through this bitch. There’s no going around it. There’s no going under it. There’s no going over it. You have, in this situation, to go through it. Like a tidal wave. Like a wave in the ocean when you’re bobbing like a little floating thing. When a huge wave comes at you you have no choice but to go through it. To come out the other side but not many people will come out and say in order to make it through that tunnel, you have to endure the darkness, the pain, the trauma you have to punch through it. You don’t often hear people talk about that particular moment. Or maybe in therapy sessions but how often do we get to hear that kind of nuance of needing to be in the middle of all that rain, of all that chaos.

How do we learn from that moment? Because you know what? It’s in that particular moment is when we change and grow.

From that time I logged off on Monday and then for a good solid 6-7 days straight, I was in a nasty funk. I was down on myself. I was horrible to myself, unforgiving. I felt useless. I felt incapable. I felt devastated. My self-confidence was shaken. My self-esteem was shaken. And I sat in that stew for all that time.

And it didn’t help that Zen Master and I got into at least two tough fights about that. Because my ears were closed. My mind was closed to what he was saying in his crypt usual Zen master way. Because the first fight was pretty nasty, and I thought he was basically saying that I didn’t do what I needed to do to keep my job. I wasn’t focused on my job, and that was not the case for being laid off.

And the second fight was something that he said, that I just… I flew off the handle…and I very rarely do fly off the handle. My patience is usually higher than my anger threshold. But keeping it real, I flew off the handle. 

And when I finally settled into myself, finally thought and released the negative and the anxiety and the black depression that I had, I was able to come back into myself.  I was able to slowly regain my senses and remember what this change was all about, what the purpose of going through this change was really all about. And I don’t remember what it was that I was listening to, because I was listening to podcasts. I was listening to YouTube things. And someone said that being laid off was not who you are. That what happened to me was not who I am. 

And as soon as I actually heard that, I swear I just snapped out of it. It’s like the Universe just sends you a little helpful hints along the way. You just have to be mindful and aware of these things. And at that time for those six seven days I wasn’t mindful of anything. I wasn’t remembering any of the things that I knew, everything that I learned. All of that just went by the wayside, went into the back burner while I stewed in this darkness, in basically my little pity party.

That very night when I meditated, when I closed my eyes, I was actually able to physically feel the release of the darkness, the despair, the uncertainty, the anxiety, the low grade depression. I was able to just let go of all of that and settle into myself fully. And by the time I opened my eyes, I was quite peaceful. I was back to myself, back in my head, back in my heart space. 

And when I had looked at the clock, it was 2 hours later. So when I finished that meditation and when I opened my eyes, I had a keen sense of a plan, of a way forward. And that way forward first and foremost was to stop being in my head. That’s the biggest struggle of this whole entire thing. That your faith is shaken. That you lose your sense of self, and maybe it’s the Universe reminding you, needing you to lose your sense of self to rediscover how strong you are.  Sometimes we all need a refresher on that.

So these are lessons learned that I’m paying forward to all of you. I’m hoping that you will learn from my midlife crisis. That you need to hold the faith. You need to continue to have unshakable faith in yourself. You need to believe – truly, truly, deeply believe in yourself… that this is not the end.  And I’m going to cop a phrase from the Sound of Music – when Maria says when God closes a door, he opens a window. And the window is not in your head. Sometimes the head is just such a dangerous place to be in. It really is. 

And also the Universe is comforting me, encouraging me, when I got in the mail just yesterday from Zen Master’s Rehab Hospital – Bryn Mawr Rehab. It was a piece of paper that I couldn’t find on their website so I can’t offer you a link to this piece of paper. So I’m going to read this out to you guys.

So it says: we all face adversity and stress but being resilient can help us through difficult circumstances and even improve our lives along the way but how do we find healthy ways to build resilience so that we can deal with crises and cope better? 

So I’m going to read off:

Stay flexible – life rarely goes as expected but resilient people accept that change is a part of living. They’re able to adjust their goals and find ways to adapt. 

Learn lessons – when something bad happens tries to look for the positive lessons you can learn from it. Ask yourself how you grew because of the situation and what you could do differently the next time to have a better result. So let me think about that. Stop being in a funk longer than necessary, I guess, for me.

Take action – when facing a tough situation, think about what you can do to improve the situation and try your best to do it.

Stay connected – it’s important to connect with empathetic people to remind you that you’re not alone and difficult times. Nurture your relationships with friends and family who can validate your feelings which can support your resilience. And yeah, Zen Master and I made up. He apologized. I apologized. And at least in that particular fight, I did exercise some semblance of the pause. Because if I didn’t pause in that situation, if he had dentures, I would have taken them and hid them away from him. And boy, that would have been really a bad situation.

Keep in mind, I’m a Zen Buddhist and that doesn’t mean I’m a saint for having such a nasty thoughts, occasionally.

Okay, moving on down the list.

Release stress – make sure you have outlets to express your emotions and let go of tension like writing in a journal, talking to a friend or meditating. Or podcasting.

Have a sense of purpose – do things that bring meaning to your life like spending time with your family or volunteering for a cause you care about. 

Take care of yourself – make sure you’re exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet and getting enough rest. Taking care of your body can help you adapt to stress and reduce emotions like anxiety and depression.

Believe in yourself – take pride in who you are and what you’ve done. Recognize your personal strengths, which is I’m blessed that I’m healthy, that I have my teeth, and blessed I have my crazy family, my house, my home. I’m blessed that I have Zen Master and Zen Mum. I’m blessed overall.

So next one, keep laughing. Laughter truly is the best medicine and can help you along when times are tough. It helps relieve stress and can keep things in check. Okay, so here you go. Stop me if you heard this one. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck. And here’s another one. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hareline. You get it? Hareline, get it? Get it? 

Okay. So, and moving down to the last bullet. 

Be optimistic. It’s hard to be positive when things aren’t going your way but a hopeful outlook will make you much more resilient. Remember that many problems are temporary and you have overcome difficulties in the past. Which is absolutely right and absolutely true because this difficulty certainly won’t be the last. And that’s not me tempting fate or daring the Universe to give me another whammy. That’s just life. Toughies come, toughies go. We’re the ones that need to grow and be flexible within and just change. Because if you handle it one way, what’s your lessons learned? Did you handle it in a better way? Could you handle it in a better way? Yeah, absolutely we can. Absolutely we can. We all react to difficulties in so many different ways but as long as you don’t linger in the negative, as long as you don’t linger in the pit. Because that’s not getting anyone anywhere, much less you getting out of it. 

So that’s my word of encouragement to you guys. That these things are temporary. And if you’ve been following my podcast for a while now you know that I’m a forward looking person. And the plan that I alluded to earlier was that in the State of PA, you can apply for unemployment as soon as your severance package is used up. 

I have been in my company for 7 years which qualifies me for 14 weeks of severance, right? So my end date with the company is November 11. Get this…11/11. Those are Angel numbers 11/11. If that’s not a sign that the Universe is waiting for me, that’s something huge bigger and better is waiting out there for me, then I don’t know what else it could be.

So, a severance package of 14 weeks if I’m not able to score another job. But in the meantime, I can go ahead and apply for unemployment as soon as 11/11 comes around. But before that happens, I’ve already reached out to people in my network and applied for a handful of positions in my company. My company is big enough that you have different things that you could bring your skill set along. And the other cushion that we have going for us is that I have a 6-month rainy day fund for these extraordinary circumstances, and I thank God and the Universe for that. If it wasn’t for this cushion, things would be even more tougher for us because time’s a’wasting and the bills keep coming.

So that takes us to the ends of today’s podcast. Hope you enjoyed it. Hope you learned something from it. If you have any questions or comments, drop by my blog SallyintheZen.com. Click on the Contact page and send me your comments, your thoughts, your opinions. 

Depending on what it is, maybe I’ll feature it on a future episode. We’ll see. I hope that you and yours stay safe, stay well, stay sane and keep the faith. No matter what, believe in yourself. If you fall down, pick yourself back up. Shake it off and move forward. It’s okay to stay down. It’s okay to have a little cry. It’s okay to have your pity party but when that’s over, move out of your head and make it happen for yourself, for your family. Talk to you again next time.

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