In this podcast episode, we talk about how to build resilience during tough times, including in a pandemic.
Links to resources/articles referenced in the episode:
- How to Build Resilience – Author: Unknown – Pinterest
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Transcript:
Hello! Welcome to the Sally in the Zen podcast. I’m your host, Sally. I’m a Zen Buddhist caregiver taking care of my elderly folks and always in pursuits to find Zen moments in everyday living. If you’re new to the podcast, welcome! If you’re not new, and you’re returning, welcome back, my friends.
Welcome to today’s episode 26, where we continue with our Life Lessons series. Today is Life Lesson number three – how to build resilience during difficult times. And I’m pretty sure you’ll agree with me that’s pretty critical to be resilience, to be able to bounce back from challenging times and still be able to move forward. If you’re interested, let’s get started.
Before we get into the heart of our episode today, I just wanted to touch base and hope that you and your family are doing well, that you’re staying safe, staying sane. I tell ya, 2020 is going down in the history books as unique and extraordinary, as far as I’m concerned. This one is definitely for the books.
Now Mom and Dad are doing well. They’re keeping me sane. I’m keeping them sane. We go out for walks in parks, of course observing social distancing and keeping our face masks on. When you turn on the TV and see how the map of the United States is, majority is red, it’s pretty frightening to know that all of that is outside your window. But no matter what, I wanted to give a shout-out to those special people, the nurses, the doctors, the healthcare workers, the essential people out there, for doing what they’re doing, for always helping out. And I just wanted to say thank you and that I appreciate you for all that you do. Thank you.
And lastly, before we get into our episode, let me just say my normal disclaimer, that everything that I say in today’s episode of my opinions and my opinions alone. I’m not paid by anyone to say what I’m going to say just so we’re clear.
Now with that other way, let’s get into our episode.
So being resilient during difficult times, challenging times is pretty critical and let me give a little background color on how much I understand how critical it is for a person to be able to bounce back, and bounce back well.
I had spoken about this in a couple of episodes, I really don’t remember which one, where 2019 was a pretty pivotal moment in my life. That’s when I came to crossroads at work with a huge conflict that I couldn’t bounce out, bounce back from, and at that time I only knew enough that I needed to talk to someone. And I did. Despite the fact that I’m pretty close with Zen Master and Zen Mum, that was a time where I needed to speak to someone who was outside the family. Someone who was a professional, and in my company – I’m blessed – my company had a program where if you needed to speak with someone, you had that avenue. And I took it. And it was the best thing for me because she was invaluable in helping me get through that dark tunnel, into the light. And show me how to be resilient during difficult times.
I think back also when Zen Master had his stroke in 2016, I’m thinking of how I was resilient at that time, and in all transparency, I don’t think I was. I think I blocked out a lot of that, of what happened during that day, during those long months of him being in a hospital, going through therapy, and eventually coming home. I honestly blocked all of that out. I was a robot doing what I needed to do to keep one foot in front of the other and make sure Mom was doing okay. I put Mom front and center because Pop was in the hospital, and I didn’t consider myself. So I think that all culminated to what happened in 2019, all of that happened. I came out through that darkness, through that tunnel, with help. So I understand the need to be resilient during difficult times, because you need to be resilient. You can’t stay in the dark. You can’t be bogged down by difficulties, because there are plenty of reasons why difficult times happen onto a person. Why you need to go through the dark to come out to the light. And you may not be able to see the reason. You may not be able to see the landscape of where you’re ultimately headed because of this conflict, but the whole intent is the cliche. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. There’s a reason why you’re going through this pain, because no matter what you’ll come out of it on the other side stronger for your life’s purpose. There’s a purpose to all of this is what I’m saying. And admittedly, even though I’m a Zen Buddhist, I am still human. I’m still mortal. I’m still here. And life lessons happen every single day, and you need to have the eyes open, your eyes open to know what is the motivation and the lessons to be learned from them are.
So this year in March, when COVID-19 happened, when stay-at-home happened, when all of that played down, the few weeks going into the stay-at-home, Mom, Pop and I were anxious, stressed out, uncertain, and we weren’t alone. We were glued to the TV, watching the events unfold. We were also in touch with our elderly neighbors and listening and talking with each other, and this is way before social distancing became a policy. Before we even knew that we had to do social distancing, much less wear face masks. But it was such an uncertain time, as you’ll probably well remember, that we were afraid for ourselves, and the future. What was going to happen? What was going to happen to all of us?
And during those weeks, I was really really worried about my Mom and Dad. I was really worried about going outside, about work, about everything, really. And it was possibly during the 4th week of stay-at-home, where I realized that I couldn’t continue what I was currently doing. Now I’m blessed where I work in a company that allowed me the flexibility to work from home. So everyday would be me in my room on my computer working, not taking any breaks, glued to the TV when I’m not working. Not really speaking with anyone. Not really sleeping. Not eating right, actually. I think I had spoken about what we, what became our comfort food, which was baked ziti.
But it wasn’t until that time when I recognized that what I was feeling and going through personally was not being resilient. Was actually counterproductive to my body and my sense of peace. And critical – the most critical thing as a caregiver to elderly people, to my parents, was front and center taking care of myself. That’s a hard lesson learned after many, many years of always putting people, my family, before my own needs. And I realized that now that I needed to take care of myself first, before I can take care of others or even think about caring for others. And my relationship with my elderly folks is such that we’re close, and I know that if I’m not feeling right, they’re impacted, because we’re pretty sensitive to each other. If that makes any sense.
So I made that conscious choice of no, I’m not going into the darkness, like I did before. I need to pivot. So the decision, that conscious decision that I made in my head, in my heart space, was the critical first step needed for me to begin to feel better.
Normally I’m a positive person. I’m usually upbeat, hopeful, optimistic. And I remember very distinctly the dark times that I went through and I was not going to go back. I needed to show that I learned from that and I knew how to be resilient but the critical part is making that commitment to myself to get over it. So that’s what I did.
Now I had listened to a podcast…it’s either a podcast or YouTube channel…forget where, forget who it was and my apologies for that. Usually I tried to cite my sources. What we’re going through in 2020 is essentially a reset. Where in history have we, together as a collective, the whole entire world, not just the United States, when was the last time that we collectively in the United States and the world shared similar or identical events? Not since World War II have we collectively shared an event together like this. We’re sharing the same experiences. So this is that reset period. We have the opportunity to come out of this better, stronger than when we first went into the reset.
Now at this point it becomes a question of how does a person pivot, and build resilience to handle going through these difficult and challenging times.
So here’s the first scenario. When we go through a challenging time, a natural thought, a natural question would be I can’t get through this. The challenge becomes to try to reframe that thought. And we reframe it like this: not that I can’t get through this but that I can get through this. How? By first believing that you can get through this. It’s simple but it’s the most hardest thing to comprehend. I can get through this because you believe. Because we’re resilient.
When a crisis happens, when something causes us to pause and become afraid, we need to recognize what we’re going through and acknowledge it and accept it. If it knocks you down, you sit there for a second or two, catch a breath and stand back up. That’s all metaphorical, obviously, but that’s essentially what it is to begin to build resilience. At least it was for me.
So reframing the question of I can’t get through this to I can get through this because I can. I’m not alone. I can find help. Humans are the most resourceful people, resourceful things on this planet. Because we have a brain – a God-given brain – to research things, to find the answers to our questions. And that’s a big part of us being human.
Second question. Second thought that may come across during a difficult time: I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get through this. Reframe that thought to I know what to do. I know how to get through this and execute those actions.
How do you get through this? Like, if we take specifically what we’re going through with COVID-19. We’re staying at home. How do we get through this sanely? That’s by reaching out to family, reaching out to friends, Albeit Zoom calls, but that you’re not alone, that there is help there, that during these times also, there are tons of people out there, who want to lend a hand, who want to help, who’s there to help. The nurses, the doctors, the grocery store people, the neighbors. There’s people out there who just want to help and you just need to understand that you’re not alone, and that you just need to figure out a game plan. Or just turn the question around of what can I do to help people during this time. And then it refocuses your mind.
So I find that reframing the question, reframing the negative into a positive and into actionable steps is the way for forward movement. At least it was for me. Like another example: when Pop had his stroke and it kicked me on my ass and I went down. And I didn’t know how to pick myself back up. And it was years later, when it blew up into that conflict that happened in 2019, when I saw that I needed help and I went and got help.
Recognizing that you have an issue begins your healing, and it took me 3 years. I didn’t know that I was damaged. That’s what I was. I didn’t know I needed help. That’s what I did. I needed help. And looking back now to looking at how I am going through a world crisis pandemic, I’m hopeful. That despite all of the stuff that’s happening out there, I still remain hopeful, that this too shall pass. I am still with my Mom and Dad. We still have family. We still have friends. We have our health. But it also is critical to have that mindset of I got hit. I’m in a shitty position but what can I do to get myself out of it? What can I do to help others? What can I do for myself and my family? And make them into action steps.
But the first thing I truly, truly believe is your mindset, your attitude. It all begins there. Because as a caregiver, I am front and center of people needing to rely on me, and I can’t break down. I do have my moment of weaknesses but I have my resiliency to fall back on, to know when to pivot, to know what to do, and to remain positive and hopeful for the future.
Now on this final note, I wanted to give some key points on how to build resilience. And I’m a proponent of not needing to reinvent the wheel. Because how many billions of people are out there in the world and you have the Internet, and no idea is actually original? So in Pinterest, I want to give a shout-out to whoever it was who built out this list that I’m going to share with you, because it has all the key points that just resonate with me on how to build resilience. And I will link this post from Pinterest from this unknown author on to the show notes for your reference, because they’re pretty significant.
So how to build resilience. To build resilience, practice positive coping strategies while eliminating negative coping strategies. First one, emotion focused coping. Ff you cannot change the situation, change your mind. These strategies are most effective when faced with a situation you cannot alter.
Second one – acceptance. Start by accepting the reality of the situation while recognizing and accepting your inability to change it. Once a situation is accepted for what it is, begin working on uncommon and creative solutions to make it better.
Third – humor. Humor can boost one’s mood, alleviate emotional distress and even buffer against depression. Laughter and humor improve immune response, enhance perceptual flexibility, and can offset the effects of stress.
Four – positive reframing. Positive reframing allows you to take control of your response to a situation by reframing it into a potential growth experience. Like how we did the exercise with those two questions. I actually didn’t even refer to this Pinterest post when I was doing that, because during my dark period when I went through my sessions with my therapist, that’s exactly what we did – reframing.
Next one – problem focused coping. Problem focused coping strategies involved direct action to alter the situation or source of the stress.
Next one – planning. The first step in developing a good plan is to define what success looks like. Once you know what success looks like, define clear, measurable goals that will bring you to success.
And then the last one – active coping. Active coping takes action toward dealing with the stressor or activating the pain. Once you have your plan in place with clearly defined goals, start tackling that to-do list.
Whoever wrote this was pretty insightful and I tell you, when I first read this it resonated with me pretty well because it all made sense, and it’s very true.
So that takes us to the end of our podcast today. I hope you enjoy today’s session. Session…sorry about that. I hope you enjoy today’s story. So if you have any questions or comments, drop on my blog, Sally in the Zen.com. Click on the Contact page and drop me your thoughts, your line. Depending on what it is, maybe I’ll feature it on a future episode. We’ll see.
And also here’s our affirmation for the day – I pick myself back up when I fall. I am resilient.
I thank you, thank you, thank you very much for sharing your time with me today, and I hope you and yours stay safe, stay sane, and I will talk to you again next time.
