Originally published in Pre-Upgrade Sally in the Zen 2010-2011
Let’s flesh out some things before we continue with the match-making, shall we?
I was born and raised in New York. My maternal grandmother and relatives current reside in NYC. My childhood was spent with them until Zen Master, in search of fortune and glory, packed us up and moved down south. After hopscotching around a bit, we ultimately put down roots in Maryland.
I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I don’t do beef.
My order of languages by proficiency is:
- English
- Spanish – learned in high school but am extremely full of rust.
- Chinese
- Local family dialect – finally fluent. Family now can understand me without cringing anymore.
- Mandarin – bits and pieces.
- Cantonese – not even.
Yes, yes, I am quite the catch.
There were actually four times in my being match-made, not the three that I had originally threw out there. But it didn’t count because on the same day I was told that someone was already on his way to my house to meet me, he made an abrupt U-turn at the last moment and drove back the way he came.
Match-Make #1:
I came home one day and saw that we had visitors. Zen Master and Zen Mum were sitting around in the kitchen with two elderly Chinese ladies who had dropped by purposely. All eyes fell on me the moment I walked into the kitchen. And my antenna started buzzing in my head when I saw that the two visitors were giving me a very thorough look-over.
Uh oh, I remember saying to myself.
Zen Master made the introductions and the taller of the two ladies slid a picture across the table to me. I picked it up and saw a young Chinese man sitting on a red moped with his arms akimbo on his chest. Green card material, people. If you don’t know what I mean by that, just watch the movie Green Card with Andie MacDowell. You’ll catch up real quick.
He was the son of one of the ladies, currently residing in China and although he lacked English speaking skills, he wanted to come to America to find a mate. And he currently was unemployed.
Lovely.
I slid the photo back.
Giving a look to Zen Master, I walked out of the kitchen. He told me later that the ladies were impressed with me. If I were to have children, they would be good-looking indeed, they said.
I need to focus on more tangible things, like Jet Li and Keanu Reeves.
